Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
