I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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