I met the friendliest cop last night
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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