just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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