his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
