Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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