oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
