There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
