He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
