Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
