I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
