Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
