Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
