i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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