i just sent this text using only my big toe
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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