Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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