At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
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Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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