When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
