it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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