She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
