I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
