So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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