so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
