I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
