I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
