I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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