evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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