So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
