PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
