I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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