just come out here and I will go home with you...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
