Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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