it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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