Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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