from now on my penis is your penis
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
