I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
