A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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