I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
