I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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