I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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