when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
