she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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