Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
