he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize