My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
