What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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