so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
