He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
