I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
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Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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