so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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