isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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