When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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