My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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