I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
