Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
