New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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