i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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