if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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